Process of moving pt 1: Fear

So, as you will learn in time, I am a planner... an over-planner even. So of course as I sit here with 71 days until I leave for Bismarck, ND, I am beginning to plan out the future possibilities. Two of the largest (and most frightening) parts of this for me are finding a new job and finding an apartment. These two are particularly scary because 1) I've never actually lived in my own apartment and 2) I really love my current job and don't want to leave it.

Now I realize that these fears are completely different, the first is a fear stemming from inexperience and the second is stemming simply from change. Both are common and adequate reasons to fear something, but they are also things that I will have to overcome eventually so might as well start now.

As I look for apartments I realized a few things, the nice ones all require good credit scores and they all require an income of 3x your rent minimum. Unfortunately for me, due to unforeseeable and uncontrollable circumstances, my credit score isn't great. Also unfortunately for me, I was planning on only working part-time. The reason that is unfortunate is because unless I make a whole lot per hour, working part time would only get me about 2x the rent in even the cheapest places. This means that I will have to work full-time from the beginning, something I was hoping to avoid while in school. I have had people  suggest that I get a roommate or move into an existing situation but I am hesitant. For one, I will have my monster-cat with me (non-negotiable). For another, I am incredibly uncomfortable with idea of rooming with strangers; I hated it during my undergrad years and spent many a day locked alone in my room to avoid interacting with other people. I would love to be able to walk around my apartment without the anxiety of people (yes, I have a problem). If I end up in a 2 bedroom apartment then, sure, I might, eventually, get a roommate but it would be under my terms and my choice and would definitely not be a stranger.

On to my fear of starting a new job. It is mainly based in the same reasoning that I don't want a roommate right away, I don't like change. I am comfortable in my life and in my position. I know where I am and who I am there. Changing jobs is a terrifying position that I am not altogether ready for mentally (after all, I thought that I would have a year more to process this not just over 10 weeks). That being said, I do have my feelers out in the two main hospitals in the Bismarck area that both have positions available currently. I will be applying for night shift as it will allow me a more variable schedule and make a work/life/school balance easier to find (as it is a necessity). Luckily, my current floor has prepared me for nearly any situation presented in the medical field except for pediatrics (which there are currently no jobs available in anyhow).

In the next 2 weeks, (when my CNA license is transferred over) I will finish the applications I have begun through the hospitals (three total). By the first of July I will put in an application (and a deposit) on an apartment and just hope that something decent in my price range is available still (plenty of choices now). In the meantime, I will continue to plan, search, and obsess as I try to overcome my anxiety by the time that I actually have to move.

How this all began

Hello all, it is time for everyone's absolute favorite post, the introduction "history" of the blog. Well, I would absolutely hate to disappoint so here we go:

Starting this fall, I am a student at University of Mary in their Doctoral program for Occupational Therapy.

Alright, now that that's out of the way, on to the story of how this happened. I graduated in 2015 with my bachelor's in Interdisciplinary Studies with an emphasis in Psychology and a minor in Biology (although I will often just say that I was a psych major since I basically was) at the age of 20.5 years old. When I was approaching graduation I had every intention of jumping right back into school after a short break and becoming an accomplished OT in the near future (I actually thought that I would be in my last year of OT school by now...). Unfortunately I did not account for some of the circumstances that might arise.

1. Mother (main support system) losing her job
2. Stolen laptop computer
3. Burnout
4. Move to a new state 
5. $$Money$$

Long story short, nothing happened in 2016 but stress followed by a 4-month long depression and beginning a new job. By 2017,  I was ready and turned in my applications... all 9 of them... costing me several hundred dollars (a topic for another post). Over the next several months every single school  that I had applied to had rejected me. I was devastated and considered giving up my dream of being an OT and finding some other field to enter. 

I decided to give it one more go and began building contingencies in case of failure (counseling, social work, OTA, etc.). I had just really begun my research into schools, plans for making a kick-butt OTCAS personal essay, and set up to observe an OT in an acute in-patient setting when I received an email from UMary asking if I would like to do a phone interview. I said yes.

That was one week ago today. 

Six days ago I had that awkward interview on the phone (because really, when are phone interviews not awkward) in a quiet storage room at work during my lunch break. I don't think I truly finished half of my sentences and left feeling both optimistic and doomed. I didn't want to hope that I could get in... and I wanted nothing more than to be accepted as UMary was the school that I had thought I would attend. The next morning, just before 6am, I received an email declaring that I had been accepted. first thing I did was tell my family and then my work family. They are all happy for me but none of them want to see me go, and I don't particularly want to leave. I just really want to do this.

For the last five days my life has taken a complete 180.

Now, of course, comes the process of finding a job as a CNA, finding an apartment in my strict and limited budget, acquiring furniture (as I own a nightstand) and necessities, and moving 15 3/4 hours away from home to start at the beginning of the rest of my life.