Process of moving pt 1: Fear

So, as you will learn in time, I am a planner... an over-planner even. So of course as I sit here with 71 days until I leave for Bismarck, ND, I am beginning to plan out the future possibilities. Two of the largest (and most frightening) parts of this for me are finding a new job and finding an apartment. These two are particularly scary because 1) I've never actually lived in my own apartment and 2) I really love my current job and don't want to leave it.

Now I realize that these fears are completely different, the first is a fear stemming from inexperience and the second is stemming simply from change. Both are common and adequate reasons to fear something, but they are also things that I will have to overcome eventually so might as well start now.

As I look for apartments I realized a few things, the nice ones all require good credit scores and they all require an income of 3x your rent minimum. Unfortunately for me, due to unforeseeable and uncontrollable circumstances, my credit score isn't great. Also unfortunately for me, I was planning on only working part-time. The reason that is unfortunate is because unless I make a whole lot per hour, working part time would only get me about 2x the rent in even the cheapest places. This means that I will have to work full-time from the beginning, something I was hoping to avoid while in school. I have had people  suggest that I get a roommate or move into an existing situation but I am hesitant. For one, I will have my monster-cat with me (non-negotiable). For another, I am incredibly uncomfortable with idea of rooming with strangers; I hated it during my undergrad years and spent many a day locked alone in my room to avoid interacting with other people. I would love to be able to walk around my apartment without the anxiety of people (yes, I have a problem). If I end up in a 2 bedroom apartment then, sure, I might, eventually, get a roommate but it would be under my terms and my choice and would definitely not be a stranger.

On to my fear of starting a new job. It is mainly based in the same reasoning that I don't want a roommate right away, I don't like change. I am comfortable in my life and in my position. I know where I am and who I am there. Changing jobs is a terrifying position that I am not altogether ready for mentally (after all, I thought that I would have a year more to process this not just over 10 weeks). That being said, I do have my feelers out in the two main hospitals in the Bismarck area that both have positions available currently. I will be applying for night shift as it will allow me a more variable schedule and make a work/life/school balance easier to find (as it is a necessity). Luckily, my current floor has prepared me for nearly any situation presented in the medical field except for pediatrics (which there are currently no jobs available in anyhow).

In the next 2 weeks, (when my CNA license is transferred over) I will finish the applications I have begun through the hospitals (three total). By the first of July I will put in an application (and a deposit) on an apartment and just hope that something decent in my price range is available still (plenty of choices now). In the meantime, I will continue to plan, search, and obsess as I try to overcome my anxiety by the time that I actually have to move.