A true Shakespearean Father's Day

It is no secret that I don't particularly enjoy holidays but most of them I grin and bear. Or groan and bear... It really depends on how I'm feeling. The one holiday that I have never enjoyed and cannot bring myself to find reason with (in my personal life, at least) is Father's Day. Mainly because, as one might guess, I do not have a father.

See, when I was little, growing up in a moderately-mostly religious home, I would always just say something to the effect of "God is my father" and be done with it. I didn't care. I made extra cards for my mom and life went on as always. As I got older and my cynicism increased, so to did my dislike of the contrived and forced holidays. Including Father's Day (and Mother's Day and most days of awareness for things and most of the non-large holidays)...

So, Here is my realistic Father's Day post using my  Father's Day tradition: Hamlet.

That's right. I have watched the 3-hour long BBC edition of Hamlet (staring David Tennant as Hamlet) every Father's day since 2014. 

After all, what could be better on a day meant to honor one's father than a whole bunch of people murdering each other in revenge of their fathers?

Of course, I will never get that chance (not that I would ever have had the inclination to in the first place...) as I do not and probably will never know my father. And, even if I were to miraculously find the man and he needed avenging, I do not live in a fairy tale (or Shakespearean tragedy or the Princess Bride) where I would set it as my life goal to about avenging him.

Makes no sense to avenge a person you have never met just because they share your biology. I don't and wouldn't owe them anything.

Nonetheless, I will continue to enjoy my yearly Hamlet as I watch the true meaning of Father's Day: Watching a whole bunch of drama over murdered fathers that ends in at least 10 funerals.

Thoughts on ruminations about my father

If I ever manage to track down my father, I may regret these posts. But since that is not likely to ever happen, here we go.

Although this is not specifically about my journey in OT school, it does concern the emotions that I have been having lately and so I call it fair game. I have never been this stressed near Father's day before and, as for most people, stress makes me ruminate and obsess and causes anxiety and depression. Unfortunately, this year that stress from school and work has translated into Father's Day.

This is interesting because, normally, I do not think much about Father's day. I don't really care. It is simply a day where I watch Hamlet (more on that next week) and enjoy good sales on clothes for my brother. This year, something has changed.

I still don't have a father and it still doesn't bother me (and by just saying that I feel like I am lying) but I feel this loss, this lack very distinctly. It is rather distracting. A lot of times there is this feeling of "what if" but it is transient. This year it hasn't been transient. It has been all encompassing and ear obsessive.

It is really beginning to annoy me because I really can't figure out why it matters. I have never cared before... I think...

Anyway...

Today I was listening to music and Coldplay's The Scientist came on and I remember that it was on the list of the "relatable songs for DC people". I used to blow that off. Today though, with my current mindset, I listened and I must say that I get it. It is like this dream. The meeting and parting and missed time between the donor and their DC child. It was also sad because, for all that it is wistful for a due over, it will never happen.

The past cannot be changed.

Later, Hear Me by Kelly Clarkson came on... Again, I was in the mindset of one week to Father's Day and I hit this one on the head as well. Or perhaps it hit me. Just listen to the song with the mindset of someone who is searching for the father they have never met and who probably doesn't even know that they exist. It fits pretty well, if you ask me.

Getting ready for fieldwork (part 1)

In just a little over a week I will begin my very first Level 1 fieldwork. I am excited and terrified. In my head I know that I will be fine. And I feel completely unprepared and overwhelmed.

No one said that this would be easy. I will write again on it once the experience is complete.

High School Graduation!

My baby sister graduated today!

We have another High School Graduate in the household!!!

I am very proud and just wanted to tell y'all.