Halfway through the first of the second year

So... obviously I am terrible at posting but I am still here. I am still in school. I am still making it. Thing is, most days I don't really know how. Six weeks have passed since the beginning of this semester and I feel as if no time has passed at all. And not in the good way of "oh where did the time go" but more in the "I swear I fell asleep five minutes ago, why is my alarm already going off" type way.

I am passing everything but couldn't say how I am doing that. I am completing my assignments, although I completely spaced one and I feel like I am constantly playing catch-up on them, even with my scheduling and planning and close watch on the calendar.

I also constantly feel as if I have no idea what I am doing. Half the assignments I start feel like BS, even when they turn out well I just feel perplexed. As if I am constantly on the border between ridiculous crying and hysterical laughter.

I live most every week in a near constant state of stress and fear (although to be fair, the fear has gotten better these last couple weeks but it is still here). As if I am grossly unprepared for what I am doing, have no idea what that is, and really should figure it all out someday.

But, despite that, despite all of that, I am here. I am still going on with this journey. I am still working at it and trying my best and picking up the pieces.

Although my freezer breaking last night is not helping matters... Hopefully all my meat (that I just bought) hasn't gone bad. I really can't afford that... Hopefully the repair-man calls soon...