Doubt

The joy has worn off. It honestly lasted longer than I thought it would. As I approach the month mark I begin to question whether this is really a good decision. Can I truly do this? Am I insane to think that I can survive 3 years of graduate school? Am I insane to be competing with these other people academically? Intellectually I know that I am qualified. Intellectually I know that I will be an amazing therapist. Emotionally, however, the process getting there seems near impossible.

Here I am going against actual "balanced" people, people who are everything that I am not on the surface. Me, I am driven and smart but I am reclusive and sedentary. Yes, I have plans to change it. Yes, I want to do more but I am not competitive to these people.

I have a job and an apartment (or will on Friday) but can I really succeed with my schedule? Can I be what I need to be? Can I achieve anything? I hate self-sabotage and can't seem to shake it. Maybe it will get easier.... I want to do well. I want to be the best that I can be... I want to be good as a student and a person and, eventually, a therapist. Right now I'm not feeling very confident in that.