Present Living

I am going to be brutally honest about the hardest part of preparing to move to North Dakota and start school: Planning. I am a HUGE planner for every aspect of my life (from menus to school schedules) and thus I have, of course, begun planning my exodus from Idaho. The problem is, right now, there are very few constants. I do not yet have a job lined up, despite applying to several. I do not yet have an apartment and watch as, day by day, the options dwindle. Thus I create my lists and plans as things of constant surety. I plan for the future as if it were known because by doing so I can sit with a sense of calm, of knowledge that all will be well and I will accomplish that which I have planned.

Unfortunately, it does cause a problem when living one's daily life.

When you live in the future as if it is a certainty, as if the decisions have been and are already set in stone, you lose the flexibility of surprise. You can also increase anxiety when surprise is occurs, as it is inevitable. The truth is that no one can know the future, it is a fluid and ever changing tapestry, any plans are only outlines until they become concrete. There are choices you can make, but you cannot control the choices of others. It is a tapestry made in the present and cemented in the past.

Another problem is the difference between immediate planning and future planning. I can make a plan for what I should do today, tomorrow,or next week and know with relative certainty that those plans can be achieved if I stick to it. However when I make a plan for next month or next year or five years from now, It is merely an outline, an option, a possibility. Plans of mortals made for the future are folly... and unavoidable.

So here I am, a foolish human, making those plans.