Battling emotions

Inferiority; uncertainty; fear

So a huge part of the last week has been me battling my conflicting emotions and struggling to come to terms with my new reality. The other day I identified three main emotions that have come over me recently: inferiority, uncertainty, and fear. While they are written in the order of severity I am going to examine them backwards.

Fear
This is the most understandable of my emotions as I will be moving to a new state and experiencing many things for the very first time (living on my own, being completely self-reliant, going to graduate school). This is also the emotion that I am having the best success at quieting. I have learned that planning and preparation can reduce fear or at least keep it from being entirely paralyzing (most of the time). While there are days where I am completely paralyzed and overwhelmed (and I am sure there will be more days to come), I can normally recover in a few hours.

Uncertainty
This emotion is strongly linked to fear or at least to the basis of the fear: change. I am simply uncertain what exactly the future holds where before I felt like I knew. This is another emotion that planning goes a long way to alleviate.

Inferiority
This one is tough, very tough, because it is based purely on internal emotional stimuli, not on any externally controlled situation and also because it is already a part of my daily emotional instability so there is more fuel behind it. I don't want to say that as a female I experience more instances of inferiority than most because I feel that is unnecessarily sexist, but as a social human in the 21st century, I (like most) experience  instances of inferiority. Most of these revolve around looks, money, accomplishments in life, and so forth. I see people who are fit and I feel inferior compared to them, knowing that I could improve if I only began acting differently (an unfortunate truth in my life). Or I see someone with beautiful skin/eyes/hair/etc. and I feel inferior to them because my face always looks like I have a sunburn but is too sensitive to wear most makeup (thanks, rosacea!), my eyes have puffy skin underneath, and my hair can never seem to look how I want it to. For the most part these are the only inferiorities that I battle in my life... Except in regards to schooling...

In education, I constantly feel inferior to others. Even when I am doing well. Even when I am succeeding. I know consciously that most of this inferiority is irrational, to be where I am I had to meet the same requirements and standards as all the other admitted students. I had to have scored in the same set standards in my grades, observation, and GRE. I know this bit I still feel inferior. A part of it is that I am seeing these people through the lens of social media which distorts reality (a list was given with the names of my classmates for lab purposes, I am only moderately stalker-y). A much larger part is knowing that I was most likely the last admitted to the program. While still admitted, I was not their first or even 39th choice. I was a back-up, the player not meant to play (I was even told that I would not be admitted to the program a few months back), and while I am eternally grateful and know I will succeed, I cannot help but feel that I am coming in at a disadvantage.